Ok, I'm a week in Bali now, and while that event itself is certainly a momentous occasion in its own right, there is a next level awaiting activation. I think that part of the reason I am here in Bali is to get a good look at my life's half steps and apparent addiction to self sabotage, my overly adapted ability to self-bargain myself into neutrality and inaction. I seem to be a series of coping mechanisms, stacked one against another like the fence around the house you saw in that movie that time, creating a makeshift border around a yard that was always undertended, the house appearing near collapse.
These are my thoughts as I return from peeing outside for at least the 3rd time tonight and I walk past the door of the master bedroom where I'm not sleeping for the second night in a row. The reason for this is because a giant spider with at least a 6-8" legspan has taken up residence there and it currently doesn't feel like the safest place to sleep. I did try catching it, once I had processed that yes, this thing really was that big and that the only way it was going to be elsewhere was if I made it that way. For every foot of my approach it seemed to double in size, and when I tried to place the large mouthed storage jar over it, like I've done for other similar "relocation projects", <strong>ZOOOM!!! It moved so fast that I actually felt fear on an entirely new level. I don't know if I've ever had the experience of seeing something move that fast at close range.
I exist as the tentative balance between Shaman/Spiritual Seeker/Holy Man and the most earth-based, addicted and hedonistic person I've known. So part of me really wants to save the life of this magnificent intruder, this specimen of its kind, and thinks that the whole process should be relatively simple. If not, I'm just not being smart or creative enough.
Then the caveman comes out and he's all, "fuck it, I SMASH!!", coupled with the tiniest fear that I might be outmatched by this Handfull-o-Fun. Because what the hell would THAT mean?
I then contemplate that big and itchy spider bites of the past were likely made by critters able to easily slip past my considerable radar to do their skin dance. Well shoot, a bite from something of this size might just kill you and your whole family, both of blood and bond! Can't really have that, can I?
Either way though, I cannot see myself ever sleeping in that room again until one of these two things occur. Twice I thought he might have moved on, only to discover him somewhere else 24 hours later. So its back to sleepin the other room, and thank God there is one!, where I have temporarily taken up residence, in the house where I have temporarily taken up residence, because I have only begun to land here on the "Island of the Gods", and I've got a number of more steps to take before I truly a r r i v e. Most of these things would likely have been knocked out right away by most travel-savvy humans, and they are right, of course.
But for three days I've been dancing with a spider
And untangling unconsciously woven webs~